If you're reading this I hope I'm still alive. I'm so tired. I'm really tired of everything; school, writing, family, life, relationships, pressures, expectations, stress and even my life. I'm so tired of all this shits. I'm considering taking medicine to overdose. That's why I'm writing this and the other one to inform you if ever something happens. I loved my life, so much, before. Life become unfair, he gives me a lot of troubles, heart breaks, painful words and fake people. I love my papa and kuya. I really love them. I already forgive my mother. If you know my mother please tell her to come back for my papa. Papa, mahal na mahal ko kayo ni kuya. Wala kayong kasalanan kung may mangyayari man saakin. Pagod na talaga ako ehh. Kuya alagaan mo si papa, mahal na mahal ko kayo. Bibilhan mo pa siyang kotse diba?
Alam niyo ang hirap hirap na. Ang bigat-bigat na. Ayoko nang bumangon. Ayoko ng pumasok. Ayoko ng mag sulat. Ayoko na. Gusto ko lang mag pahinga. Sa mga kaibigan ko si Mocha, beh mahal na mahal kita. Salamat sa lahat lahat. Di kita makakalimutan. Kay Drek, hoy Mr, Ideal Man ko ingatan mo puso mo, hehehe sorry na in advance kung ano man yung mangyayari ha? Kay Ate Misyel, atee mahal na mahal din po kita. Salamat sa lahat lahat ng pagmamahal, pag tanggap at pag alalay. Kay tita Sonia, sorry na tita kung ano man yung mangyayari ayoko lang dumagdag sa problema mo. Kaya di ko masabi. Kay Mama M, maa, mahal na mahal po kita . Salamat po sainyo ni Tito Jojo. Thank you. Kay Ate Lc, Ate Sasha, Ate Angee at Kuya Per, salamat po sa lahat ng advice. Sorry po sa mga nagawa kong kasalanan. Sa lahat ng kaibigan, kaklase ko na may pake saakin. Salamat, sa pag tanggap sa mga kalokohan ko, kadramahan ko, sa hugot koat sa tunay na ako. Mabuhay lang ako. Laban lang hanggat kaya pa. Ewan ko. Pero ito lang masasabi ko. Salamat sa lahat lahat. Naappreciate ko kayo. Sorry sa lahat ng kasalanan ko, pray for my soul. I love you all _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 3 weeks I'm giving myself 3 weeks to enjoy (if I can still enjoy). 3 weeks to make memories. 3 weeks to try to be happy. 3 weeks to be with those people I love. 3 weeks more if life doesn't beat me up again. But if I can't stand the pain. Forgive me. If the world doesn't give me a break. I'd rather give myself a favor to make one. I love you all. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 1/20 [2:21 am]
I can't sleep or should I say I don't want to. My eyes hurts and my head aches. I feel nothing just blank emotions. I can't even feel the urge to cry. I feel blank. By the way I'm being good at playing ROS.
[Around 2 pm written on my intermediate pad] [Around 3 pm] I gave up my journalism contest. I can't make it. I cried in front of my adviser. They laughed at me. They laughed that we doesn't last long than they expect. The length of a relationship is not the basis of how much pain will go gather after it, it's all about the love and effort you gave to make that no matter how long or short relationship. [Around 6:30- 7:30]
Ate Sasha makes me feel so bad for those words that she says. She makes me feel like this pain is just SIMPLE, she keep on asking me if I'm raising a kid, a worker or etc. that makes me feel worst. She makes me feel that no one understand me. It sucks. It really sucks.