Unexpectedly, everything happens in a snap. We met last month and we enjoy the other month knowing each other better. We always go out together. We show our hearts out. And finally I say I love you too. `` I thought we will stay in secret relationship for the next years but I was wrong because on the 5th day that we are officially a couple my family ask you to go in our home and we're approved like a visa. You don't know how much my heart rejoice after that. And to be honest I don't know that 2018 is the plot twist of my teenage years. After 16 years of existence I finally found my match. The man who can get through my drama. The man whom I can use my childish side to make him laugh and smile. The man who's perfectly made with his lambing talents. The man who's really willing to stay with me until marriage, a man who don't want to let me go anymore. The man whom I can talk all the things I want to talk about. And later on I know he's the man whom I can share my deepest secret without hesitations. It's an early relationship, yes. But honestly, I know what you're thinking but as Selena Gomez once said, "Heart wants what it want". Luckily, I have a man whom I can trust. Who knows limits and boundaries. And to be honest I know deep in my heart that I already found a love for me, even if we're just teens. He's a man I don't want to give up, I will fight with him all throughout this relationship. I'm looking forward for the next years and decades I cherish my moment with. I'm excited to see us both growing as an individual and successful enough as what God's will. I'm excited to see us together in those places I once dream to travel. I can't wait for the moment of our marriage and say, "We made it!". But before that things happen we will face a lot of trials first. Like what happen right now, I'm so dramatic and negative in some sort of way for I kinda doubt his love for he is not expressing it well. That makes him misunderstood me and i don't know what will happen next. I hope he can later on. [April 7,2018] This past few weeks of being together I'm struggling to know whether it's me who you love or just my physical appearance. You keep on asking me to do I didn't want to do. You keep on asking me to be fit and so, and you gave me an answer to this doubt. Well, maybe some men are different so I can't compare his idea to other man's idea. I love him the way he is. I love him from top to toe, from heart to soul. And I believe he does the same. After some sort of drama and fight everything goes fine and stronger. Earlier this night we are talking about trying new things together, like hiking a mountain? Can you imagine that? I'm literally crying out of happiness. That's why we are planning to save up some money and and the he told me that I'm the one who will decide where we will use those savings. I'm shookt. In addition to this he told me the reason why he want me to decide for our money, "Because what you want is what I want too." I will this man harder. He's so sweet and thoughtful. [April 9,2018]
What I love the most in our relationship is our open conversation, wherein we can talk about everything we want to talk about without any hesitations. Like our hopes, plans, weird experiences and so on. Though, we don't know each other well but in time we can figure out every corner of each of us. And sooner we will grow much comfortable to each other to share our deepest stories that we don't share with anyone else. You know what last night I'm crying hard thanking God for giving me this opportunity to be with him. He's way to good than those guys who try to wait and play with my feelings. He's a good listener, I can say. Although it's not obvious when you're actually in front of him but I know he does. He know every detail of what I have said. haha I love you Kenneth <3 [April 11,2018] We broke up last May 21,2018 for he had another girl, call it a fling but it's still cheating. And we had a very clear 'rule' wherein once he had another girl we're over and it happened. It hurt me so bad,so much. He's my first boyfriend, my first kiss. I really thought that I can help him to be a better person. I saw so much potential on him. That's why I'm so frustrated. He's chasing me up until now trying to win me back. So, I blocked him on my real account and chatted him on my dummy account. I guess he have an idea that that is my account that's why I end up not chatting him again and believing in everything he say. As of the moment I still on the process of moving on. It still hurt and I miss some moments we made but I need to let go him totally as of the moment. Maybe a time for the both of us to grow as a man and a lady. I still love him that's true. But I will stand still for rejecting him for now. I hope he can do it without me. Because who knows how can God work into someone's life. I hope he can see God's grace. I hope he can grow, we can grow. UNTIL THEN.... [June 1,2018]
It's been 86 days, 7 hours and a couple of minutes since I broke up with you. I still love you. I really do. I always want to feel you hug. I wanna see your smile. I wanna make you love. I wanna be with you. I wanna kiss you and hug you tight like I'll never let you go. But I need to accept that love doesn't work that way. I can't just love you unconditionally and give you all I can then you'll give me nothing but a mere love and affection. I still want to be with you. I really do. But I guess it's the right thing to do now. I deleted our conversation. Because I might end up reading it again, and it will ruin my heart and mind. I also unfriend you because I might end up stalking you late at night thinking how can you replace me that fast? I really love you. It's been 2 months and 25 days. It sucks you know. Seeing you that you're already moved on. You still have my book and the shirt I gave you. I didn't know what you did to those. And you know what, I want to get back to you now, but it's not right to love you because I just need you. I just need somebody to care, to make me feel wanted, somebody to be with me during those time that I'm so down. If ever God of the universe gave us another chance to be together, I hope, we are both mature and ready to fight for each other. Both mature to correct all the mistakes of the past. I love him. I love you, Kenneth, I'll always do. [August 15,2018]
Here I am again, crying and savoring the pain that you brought into my life. It's funny to think that up until no I still deny that I don't love you anymore. You know what hurts me the most? Seeing your new girl and thinking how the ehck you replace me that fast? I just don't like that idea of yours. I want you back, but not with the same old you. [August 16,2018]